People often think that once they say, “I do,” that’s it; they’ll live happily ever after with their spouse. However, like love, remember that marriage requires effort, patience, dedication, and faithfulness. Respect for the other is as needed in a marriage as love is. Sadly, sometimes, people forget about the little things that make marriage work, thus committing some common mistakes that make their relationship crumble.
Expecting Your Spouse to Be Able to Read Your Mind
Mainstream media has made people believe that true soulmates can read each other’s minds or finish each other’s sentences. However, in reality, this is simply untrue. So, expecting your spouse to be able to read your mind is entirely unrealistic and can lead to relationship problems. No one is a mind-reader, and thinking your spouse didn’t act a certain way you wanted may upset you, even if your expectations were unfounded.
Allowing Third Parties to Get Involved in Your Marriage
Marriage is ever-evolving. As time goes by, we’re sure you’ll experience things that make you feel like there’s an unresolved piece in your relationship, and thus, you turn to others—friends, family, or even your parents—for advice. An article by Cornell University notes that many intruders surround one’s marriage, such as work, children, in-laws, friends, affairs, and more. However, remember that we should never let the outside world intrude on our marriage.
Bringing up Past Problems
One’s married life is a work in progress, and it’s common to commit many mistakes. According to marriage counselors, one of the biggest problems when it comes to resolving an issue is bringing up past misbehavior to resolve a current problem. This not only doesn’t solve your current issue with your spouse, but it also opens up old wounds, possibly worsening the situation even more.
Dismissing Your Spouse’s Concerns
Respect is a two-way street. So, in a relationship like marriage, it’s important to be more mindful of how you approach your spouse’s concerns and words. Listen, comprehend, and try to understand. Don’t simply dismiss what they are feeling.
Bringing a Child Into a Troubled Marriage
We must all remember that children are not the solution to a married couple’s problems. In fact, if you bring a child into a troubled marriage, you not only hurt yourself and your spouse even more, but you also make the child suffer. It’s not their choice to be born into a family with problems, and it’s not their fault if you cannot resolve your issues with your spouse.
Not Maintaining Intimacy
A study published on ResearchGate notes that intimacy is a key factor in achieving marriage satisfaction, quality, stability, and more. It’s a way for a husband and a wife to bond, connect, and no more about each other. In fact, it is noted in another study on ResearchGate that a lack of intimacy is one of the causes and biggest factors that lead to divorce.
Taking Each Other for Granted
It’s easy to show and express our love for someone in the early stages of a relationship. However, marriage is for life. Given that, it’s essential to value and respect your spouse each and every day of your life. If you take each other for granted, they won’t feel appreciated, thus leading to even more problems in a relationship; such issues will be rooted in resentment.
Believing a Good Marriage Takes Care of Itself
Good and working marriages don’t take care of themselves. It’s quite the opposite, actually. For a marriage to work, each spouse must exert effort toward the other; they must constantly choose to love the other each day of their lives. Thus, good marriages require work, dedication, and commitment.
Making One-Sided Decisions
We make countless decisions in life. When we get married, most of those decisions will affect us, our spouses, and our children. This is why consulting the other before making a decision is so important. Susan Adams, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shared, “Marriage, in order to be successful, means that partners must tell the truth, talk about what bothers them, fight to find out how they bothered their partner, and hear the message that their partner is asking.”
Neglecting Problems That Need to Be Resolved
Getting complacent about things is easy, especially if you think they will work out eventually. However, this isn’t necessarily true for marriage. When you try to bury a problem, that problem will only get bigger and bigger, creating a snowball effect. Eventually, your marriage will be so plagued with issues that you don’t know which one to tackle first.
Unequal Distribution of Work
Marriage is a partnership. No matter who goes to work and who stays at home, the distribution of work must be equal. In the same way, husbands shouldn’t rely solely on their wives for housework.
Name-Calling Your Spouse
Fights are part of a marriage. However, once you name-call your spouse, you’re in for a different ball game. Santos Counseling notes that name-calling often leads to disrespect, tension, low self-esteem, avoidance, and even more conflict in a marriage. No matter how big of a fight there is, never resort to degrading your spouse and their dignity.
Putting off Kind Gestures
In a relationship, it’s the little things that matter the most. You don’t have to wait for an event like Valentine’s Day or their birthday before making a simple yet sweet gesture showing them you care. Remember, it’s the everyday acts of kindness and love that’ll make your partner rest assured.
Lack of Communication
The lack of communication and active listening can be the bane of any relationship, especially marriage. Marriage, after all, is a partnership. In a partnership, each side listens to the other and considers what they feel and think. A study published on ResearchGate notes that “Communication breakdown has been identified as one of the chief causes of marital conflicts.”
Financial Disagreements
Aside from depression, financial problems can also cause rifts in marriages. A study by Jeffrey Dew from Utah State University and John Dakin from Texas Tech University notes, “Financial difficulties predict increases in depression, decreased marital satisfaction, increased marital conflict, and higher likelihoods of divorce.” Aside from arguments, financial stress is also a roadblock to establishing a happy family life.
Refusing to Take Responsibility
Refusing to take responsibility is detrimental to most, if not all, aspects of life, but perhaps more so in marriage. When a spouse isn’t accountable for their actions, they blame the other and find fault in them. This will end with a married couple resenting each other, which might then lead to divorce.
Differences in Parenting Styles
Raising a child needs rearing from both the mom and the dad. So, a husband and wife must talk, discuss, and agree on how they would raise their child. If a couple’s parenting style differs, it’ll not only confuse the child but also cause more arguments in the family.
Having Unrealistic Expectations of Marriage
Many people believe that once you say your vows, your happily ever after starts. However, this couldn’t be more wrong. The moment you get married is only the beginning of a new chapter of your life. If you come into marriage having unrealistic expectations of what life would be like with your spouse, then you’ll no doubt face a lot of arguments and conflicts.
Bad-Mouthing Your Partner’s Family
Third parties shouldn’t be involved in one’s marriage. So, it’s entirely uncalled for to include your spouse’s family members in your arguments, especially if you’re bad-mouthing or blaming them for something that has happened. You may have a strained relationship with your in-laws, but this isn’t an excuse to involve and disrespect them.
Fighting to Win
Sometimes, fights in relationships can be healthy. There can be arguments, disagreements, and issues, but encountering these things doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed or is no longer healthy. What’s unhealthy, however, is if you fight to win—if you want to have the last word all the time, or if you want the other to concede just so you can call yourself the winner.
